My weight loss/gain journey

I am officially fed up with my weight. I have struggled with my weight since after I delivered Ethan. I lost some, had PPD, gained it all back and more. I've tried weight loss pills, tried the gym, lost some, got pregnant with Joel, lost more, gained some back, had him, lost some finally got under 200, then gave up started eating a lot, and now I'm back at my heaviest. I'm fed up. I envy women who lose weight easily. Before I ever had kids I did not have a problem losing weight. I could cut what I ate down and in a week or two lose 3-5 pounds. Now, I can't lose anything to save my life. I've walked, worked out, cut out sodas, saw that it wasn't working, and I've given up. I just don't care anymore. I want the friggin lap band or gastric bypass. Yeah, I may be trying to take the easy way out, but I'm fed up with this roller coaster. I hate feeling like a fat cow, looking in the mirror and seeing myself and being disgusted with how I look. I hate myself, hate the way that I look, and don't see how Nathan can be attracted to me. If I could lose the weight, I may be happy with myself again.