Doctors, weightloss, life

So, I went to the dr today to get my results from my appointment last month. My thyroid, kidneys, living, CBC, and CMP all came back normal; however my vitamin D levels were low, so she put me on prescription strength vitamin D pills for a couple of months. I asked her about the lap band surgery since I can't seem to lose this weight, so she is referring me out to bariatrics. I am so ready to get this weight off and to be a normal size again. I have being ft and feeling like a beached whale. I'm just praying that this doctor will do the surgery. I've tried for five friggin yrs to lose this weight, and no luck. I'll lose some then gain it all back and more. I'm tired of it. I envy people who don't ever gain weight, or have kids and are back to a size 0-2 in no time. Yeah, I was back in my pre pregnancy clothes the day I left the hospital with the baby, but that's a size 14, not a 4-6 that I want to be. I hate the way that I look, it disgusts me. I live in sweats bc I hate the way I look. I feel like I did when I was a kid getting bullied for being fat, I don't try and dress up bc I don't feel pretty, I hate the way I look, hate my smile, hate everything about myself, all bc of my weight. My face is fat, and I hate it. Some people can embrace their fluffiness, I detest it. I just don't know anymore.