Civilization

I am just so ready to move from here that it's unreal. This isn't home, there's nothing here for me. I thought that when we moved back from Texas that it'd be like it was before we left we'd have friends, but it's not. We really don't have anyone, I have Jaime and he has AJ. My mom is constantly having bipolar episodes to the point that I don't even want to be around her, much less the kids, and his family, yeah right. He's always been the black sheep of the family in Michigan and in Kentucky. I hate it here so badly. I hate not having any friends, of all 600+ Facebook friends that I have, I can only say that one of them is a true friend, the rest are just aquaintances. I invited a lot to monkey's party only one showed up besides Luke. What does that say about who really cares about me and my kids. It hurts, it really does. I feel so alone. 

I mentioned to him about moving to Michigan, him getting his job at ACI back, to give us a fresh start, but he said that he didn't know. I know that it's never felt like home to him, partly because of Cathy. After we moved to Texas, Kentucky didnt really feel like home to me. Texas felt like home. I just want to get out of Kentucky, so I don't have to deal with my mother and her bs. I'm tired of it, sick of these bipolar episodes that I am subjected to, sick of being the punching bag, sick of her telling me that I need medication when I don't, and most of all I'm sick of her favoring Bub over monkey. I just want to go somewhere, Michigan, Texas, I don't care and start over. I want a house again, with a permanent foundation, fenced in yard, a pool, but most of all, I want to be happy again. 

I hate living where we do, far away from things, having to worry about the house being taken away by a tornado because its a double wide. I didn't think living in one would bother me, but it does. I hate not being able to drink my own water, dealing with mice all the time because we live in the middle of a field. I want a neighborhood again, I want my kids to have friends from the neighborhood. I wouldn't be objected to renting again, but Nathan is. I just want to be back in civilization.