Changes...

Tomorrow starts a life changing journey for me. I'm starting the pre-op diet for the lap band surgery. My surgery is scheduled for June 5 at 0800. I am beyond excited. I'm tired of being fat, feeling unattractive, and living in sweats. Even in the summer I live in sweats. I hate feeling my thighs rub together when I'm in a dress or seeing how huge my arms are in a sleeveless shirt. I wish that I was like other people that didn't keep baby weight on. I'm almost back at my heaviest which was 223, and right now I'm at 218.4!  Yeah, you can say that I pretty much gave up. I was 197 last year after I had the baby. I just can't wait til I have this surgery so I can start to feel happy again. 

My mother is back on her bipolar cycle again. Her meds aren't working, she is back to taking things out on me for no reason, saying that I need meds, don't listen to me when I say that I want nothing to do with her until she gets meds that work, thinks that saying that she's ok or sorry will make things better-it won't. I'm not her punching bag anymore. I will not tolerate it, and will not have my kids around her when she's like this either!  She's just going to have to accept the fact hat I'm not in her life while she's like this. Not once I'm her life has she ever accepted responsibility for her own actions, and it's time that she does. It's high time that she does.  I'm just tired of it. Sick of being the punching bag, her thinking that its ok to take things out on me and then act like nothing ever happened.  I'm on the verge of cutting her out of my life completely.